The Perv, the Cropduster or the French Whore: Which one frequents your gym?

I love the gym. It’s the only “me time” that I have. Ninety minutes, six days a week to sweat out any aggression to angry rock and rap music pounding my ears through my headphones. Unfortunately, it’s not my own private gym, therefore I have to deal with other people, even if minimal interaction.

But sometimes that minimal interaction can be maximum annoying, especially as a woman in a generally-male dominated world. Here are my top annoyances.

images-31. Rerack your weights. It’s not that I can’t life 45 pound plates, I just don’t want to do it eight times or more. Hell, I don’t want to do it four times. I wonder how the lunkheads would feel if I started leaving stacks of light plates on the leg press. I’m sure reracking 10 or 15 10-pounders would be loads of fun.

2. The Gang. These guys only show up maybe once a week, but when they do, you know they are there. There’s a minimum of six, all crowded around one bench, cheering each other on. It doesn’t matter how big your gym is, there’s no way around their circle of love.

3. The French Whore. These people (both men and women) leave a cloud of cologne and perfume from the changing room to the front door. You can’t mask  gym funk. Just take a shower already.

4. The Grunter. I can hear this guy over my noise canceling headphones. He grunts louder than the happiest pig in mud as he lifts. Is the guy benching a Buick? Sure sounds like it. The lift grunt is then followed by a relief grunt as he drops the weights to the floor.

5. The Perv. There is always that one guy who pretends to work out, but in reality he’s undressing women with his eyes, taking mental pictures for masturbatory purposes later. Report this man immediately.

images6. The Talker, aka the Pickup Artist. This guy is there generally to work out, but give him so much as an “excuse me” at the cubby or glance at the water fountain, and he thinks he’s in. This guy won’t interrupt your work out, ladies, but he will happen to leave at the same time and speak to you in the parking lot the second you remove the earbuds.

7. The Hater. There is always woman-on-woman crime at the gym. It doesn’t matter how perfect our bodies are, we can always find a flaw and always hate on the woman on the machine next to us. We may not verbally express the hatred, but secretly we all wish for her butt, abs, arms, thighs, etc.

8. The Sweater. It’s 20 degrees outside, but this guy just left a puddle on the treadmill that a man lost in the desert would think is an oasis. Did anyone bring a life vest? Because I think I might drown. Just bring a towel already and for the love of Pete, wipe down the machine/bench with sanitizer.

9. The Class. I think yoga/spin/aerobics/calesthenics/whatever classes are great at gyms. What’s not great is how all 30 women get out of that class and take over every cardio machine in the gym. Didn’t you just do cardio for an hour? And in a fun way?

10. The Cropduster. I don’t know if this one is just my luck or what. But it never fails, I ALWAYS get a whiff of a horrible fart mid-lift. There’s no way I can breathe with that trail of stench following this guy across the gym. I’ll just rerack and wait for it to pass — while breathing out of my mouth. Your ass is in my lungs. Ewww.

images-211. “Those” girls. Typically in their late teens/early 20s, these are the girls that work out in full make-up, perfect hair and color coordinated work out clothing and accessories. They take about 10 minutes on their cardio equipment of choice then attempt to use free weights/machines, spotting each other. It might be believable if they weren’t checking out every guy in the room in between their two sets of two.

Please feel free to vent and comment your own peeves. Use this post as your own release, letting go of the anger against the gym irritants, at least until you run into them again tomorrow.

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One thought on “The Perv, the Cropduster or the French Whore: Which one frequents your gym?

  1. Ashleigh D

    I have at least one of everyone of these people at my gym. The re-racking of the weights though… I think just about everyone BUT me seems to leave theirs lying around. It’s beyond irriating 😦

    Reply

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