Skinny Jeans Should Stay in the Closets of Skinny Girls

1341853109828_5858762Four score and seven years ago… Well, not quite that long, but it sure does feel like it.

The last time I set foot in a classroom was about 1999. Now I’m on target to finally have a college degree in the spring of 2017. I’ve spent the past three months trying to get everything together to enroll in the University of New Orleans.

When you’re not fresh out of high school, it’s a pain in the ass. When you’ve got an ex-husband you shared (and didn’t share) tax returns with, it’s a pain in the ass. When your ACT score is more than three years old, it’s a pain in the ass. But on the flip side, they don’t make you sit through freshman orientation, live in the dorms or have a meal plan.

Anyway, I set foot on campus for the first time several weeks ago. I (without suggestion or permission from any of my three advisors) had an appointment to meet the director of the marketing department to discuss my career change. I dressed for the occasion of shaking hands with a future professor in a spring sundress and sandals.

As I made my way around the quad, talking to my sister on the phone, trying not to look lost and out of place, I felt old. Really, really old. These kids all looked about 12, and were dressed more for a slumber party than class. Apparently, pajamas, sweats, flip-flops and booty shorts are now appropriate attire for young women.

Which finally brings me to the point of this post — young men need to get the hell out of girls’ closets. Skinny jeans belong on skinny girls. Period. The End.

I would rather see a guy tight rolling his Levis than wearing melted-and-poured pants in godawful pastels and bright colors. Combined with a shaggy haircut (or lack thereof), I can’t tell what I’m looking at from behind.

I can appreciate fads, even awful ones (remember big floppy hairbows and striped jeans of the early 90s?), but this has outlived fad status for some strange reason. It used to be the girl wore the guy’s clothes — boxers to sleep in or his button up flannel shirts tied around the waist of our overalls. When did it switch to the guys raiding the girls’ drawers — and I mean dresser drawers, not panties drawers.

I blame the douche of all douches Justin Bieber. Or maybe One Direction. I don’t care whose at fault, but it needs to stop!

Guys — these are not the role models, well, maybe for girls.

Please, please guys, the next time you are getting dressed, look in the mirror and ask yourself, “Does this resemble anything in my sister’s or girlfriend’s closet?” Oh wait, you don’t have a girlfriend. Ask your mom. She’ll know what’s best for her little darling, I mean boy.


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